Open Mic Saturday

Good morning all, and welcome to Open Mic Saturday. This is the place to share your news and perhaps do a little bragging. If you're writing a novel: how much progress did you make this week? If you're writing short stories: did you finish anything or submit anything this week? If you've sold or published anything recently, when is it coming out and where can we find it? In short, as a writer, what kind of progress did you make this week?

Or what else is on your mind, that you feel like sharing with the group here?

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Update 9:00 CST, by brb: With all due respect to M, this being the last post of the year and all, it seems to call for something a bit more dramatic than the usual Saturday "Open Mic" call. It's a day that calls for reflection; for taking stock; for looking ahead. What are your thoughts about the year now ending? What are your hopes for the year to come?

Me, I'd like to take a moment now to shout a big "THANK YOU!" to M, Henry, Kersley, Vidad, and Arisia, for going far above and beyond the obligations of mere friendship, for keeping the Friday Challenge going while my attention has been focused elsewhere, and for midwifing the birth of STUPEFYING STORIES. It's been a challenging year—especially for Henry and his family—but with three books loose in the world and a fourth about to be released, I think you will agree, we've accomplished something pretty cool here, and we have done it together. I'd never have made it beyond the daydreaming stage without you. THANK YOU.

Next, I'd like to express a moment of thanks that we live in the 21st Century, where things like Positron emission tomography are daily working realities and not merely visions of what might be. Thanks to a half-century of slow and steady scientific research and the efforts of doctors, nurses, and medical technicians too numerous to name, my wife and I now have a future to look forward to together. Whatever your other doubts and complaints about the 21st Century may be—yes, Henry, we all know, you still want your flying car—it is a marvelous time to be alive, and miracles do still happen.

As for my hopes for 2012: I'll just come back to what I call STUPEFYING STORIES 1.4 and everyone else is calling the January issue.* The crew has really come together, the contents have really come together, and we're on the home stretch to releasing it soon. As I look at it and everything that's in the queue behind it, I can't help but feel very optimistic about 2012. Upward and onward! Per aspera ad astra!

Here's hoping all of you are looking forward to a bigger, brighter, and better New Year!

Kind regards,
Bruce Bethke

* P.S. To clear up any confusion, since we've now published four volumes of STUPEFYING STORIES, one in 2010 and three in the last quarter of 2011, and since we pay actual cash money to contributors, STUPEFYING STORIES can now be considered a Semiprozine. I don't see this as making a difference in our operations or philosophy, but apparently this is a distinction of great significance to people who think about categories and awards, and I certainly wouldn't object to adding a few more of the latter to my collection.

The Friday Challenge — 12/30/2011

This week in The Friday Challenge:

The January issue of STUPEFYING STORIES is moving along at full steam, for a first-week-of-the-year launch! What? So soon after our December release? Yessssss, my precious...

Bruce Bethke gives folks a free teaser, because he's just swell that way. Keep your eyes peeled for the forthcoming Rampant Loon Press collection, Will Write for Food: Twenty Years of Short Stories by Bruce Bethke. • Join the discussion...

Bruce Bethke doesn't have much to say fills a page with quibbles about Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows. • Join the discussion...

The Holidays interrupt our normal judging schedule, but the results for our “And now, for the next century and a half...” challenge will still be posted in the next few days, once the merry-making settles down a bit. • Join the discussion...

All this and more, as the fifteen days of Christmahanukwanzakastivus span Make Up Your Mind Day, and the inmates discuss the view from their respective places in the asylum.


“And now, for the next century and a half...”

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As a reminder, the following entries are under consideration for our previous challenge:

• “Solstice” by Tyler Tork
  
  
• “The Christmas War” by xdpaul
  

If you have not yet left feedback for this “Thunderdome: Christmas Edition” challenge, there's no time like the unopened present.


Higglety Pigglety Pop!

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As of this morning, we have received the following entry entries for our current challenge:

• “Monsters” by Tom
  
  
• “Pounce” by Tyler Tork
  

Since we are, as the challenge stated, “in the midst of the most wonderfully hectic time of the year,” this isn't a terribly surprising turn of events. Rather than treat Tom's entry as a sole contender Tom and Tyler's entries as the only contenders, we are extending Higglety Pigglety Pop! by a week, and making it the first official Friday Challenge of 2012. Here is a recap:

As a young child, one of my favorite books was Maurice Sendak's Higglety Pigglety Pop! or There Must Be More to Life, layered with multiple meanings, poetic prose, and darkly detailed depictions of the more that there must be. (Suffice it to say, I was an odd child, and I doubt any of you are surprised by that revelation.)

You may be familiar with that book, or you may not; for the purposes of this challenge, it really doesn't matter. The thing to remember is that this week's writing must be a bit higglety pigglety (since we are, after all, in the midst of the most wonderfully hectic time of the year!), and it must “Pop!” Multiple meanings, poetic prose, and darkly detailed depictions are entirely optional... but including them certainly won't hurt your chances of being declared our weekly winner.

I'll only allow 120 words. Pop!

You may post your entries as comments below, post on your personal blog and give a link below, or add to The Friday Challenge Yahoo Group in our current directory.



Anyone can enter, with no restrictions, and you may enter as many times as you wish.

As of now, we are playing by the loosely enforced and slightly modified rules of The Friday Challenge. All entries are due by 6 AM Eastern time on the morning of Friday, 6 January 2012. A winner will be declared by the evening of Sunday, 8 January 2012 (and since I shan't be celebrating Kim Jong-un's birthday, there shouldn't be any reason to deviate from that schedule!).

Oh, there is one more thing... but it is the most important! Have fun. Always have fun.

What? One more more thing? Oh, yes:

From all of us, to all of you, Happy New Year! All the best for 2012, and may you be safe, warm, and with those you love.

Deadline Reminder

NOTE: We haven’t forgotten about the previous challenge (“And now, for the next century and a half...”), but we didn’t think through the logistics of Christmas week.

At the moment, the reindeer are all kvetching about the unseasonable lack of wintry precipitation at this latitude, and the elves miss their frostbite. We’re in the process of banishing packing them away for another year, so we can get on with mo’ better challenge judging in 2012, and all the other Stupefying hijinks we have planned.

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The deadline for the current Friday Challenge — Higglety Pigglety Pop! — is 6 AM Eastern time on the morning of Friday, 30 December 2011... less than twenty-four hours away.

Entries may be added to The Friday Challenge Yahoo Group (see the appropriate directory within the "Files" section), hosted on your personal blog(s) and linked within the comments for the challenge, or copied directly into the comments section as a post.

In previous challenges, we have accommodated late entries. This time, we have no such luxury; if you post an entry much later than 6 AM Eastern time, there is a chance the judges will not be able to properly consider your work. Should you anticipate a need to snowdog, please mentally back the deadline up as much as necessary. If the deadline hits and you are very, very close, please publicly announce your intention to enter.

A winner will be declared by the evening of Sunday, 1 January 2012 (or thereabouts!).

Ultimate Geek Fu

It's the Wednesday after Christmas. Half the Friday Challenge crew is out on the road somewhere, and the rest of us are still recovering from the holiday. I personally am up to my armpits in trying to pull the January STUPEFYING STORIES together. And still you want an Ultimate Geek Fu?

Okay, let's see: did anyone get any good books for Christmas? I mean, aside from Jimi Plays Dead, by yours truly, which is still available for free on Amazon for one more day?

As for electronic media: the last time I had the TV on was to watch the Packers beat the Bears—honestly, even though they're Da Bears, by the 4th quarter, I was feeling sorry for them—and the next time I anticipate having the TV on will be to watch the Packers play the Lions. So I really have nothing to say re TV this week.

The last movie I saw in the theater was Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows —which was good enough, for a big-budget CGI-heavy December blockbuster, but really more of a steampunked-up Indiana Jones Meets The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen than a Sherlock Holmes story. Chase scene, fight scene, chase scene, fight scene, comic relief breather, chase scene, fight scene, D.S. al coda...

Some quibbles:

1. The palette ran the entire range from dark blue to brown to gray to black, with most of the film looking like grubby gray actors on black sets shot through blue filters. Even the gypsy camp was oddly monochromatic. Would it have hurt to put some color in the thing?

2. Can we please declare a moratorium on the "shifting film speed" chase scene gimmick? You know, where most of the scene is run at slightly faster-than-normal frame rates to give a sense of frenetic action, but then it drops into super slow-motion to show a bullet just creasing a character or shattering a tree? We've seen that one enough. Come up with a new visual cliche, please.

3. Downey's riff on Heath Ledger's "Joker" really is just awful. Pulls you completely out of this movie and makes you realize you wish you were watching The Dark Knight instead.

4. As a story, the biggest problem with this one was that this version of Professor Moriarty felt like a complete lightweight. I've said it before and I'll continue to say it: the quality of the villain determines the value of the hero. In the Holmes canon, Moriarty is supposed to be "the Napoleon of Crime." This guy was more of a cheese Danish.

5. Finally, the whole film could have been redeemed by one image: if, while Holmes and Watson were prowling around Moriarty's "secret weapons factory" and discovering all these "futuristic" weapons with which Moriarty was planning to bring death and destruction to the world (e.g., broomhandle Mausers, Vickers machine guns, Skoda cannons), they had rounded a corner, and Downey's Holmes had found himself looking at a steampunked-up Edwardian "Iron Man" suit. That moment would have made this movie. But it wasn't in this movie.

Hmm. Guess I had more to say about this movie than I thought.

Anyway, there's your UGF roundup for this Wednesday morning. I don't believe I've said anything controversial, but since it has become our traditional conclusion, I will conclude with:

Let the arguments begin!

And the winner is...

... not going to be announced on Christmas day, after all! It was overly ambitious to even think doing so was possible.

See you all tomorrow! May you be safe and warm, with those you love.

Jingle Bell Rock!

For the next five days only, for Kindle only, and just because I'm such a wonderfully nice guy—and also because I've been playing around with Amazon's "Promotions Manager" function, and I want to see how well it works—I am giving away, absolutely free, this handsome little e-book, JIMI PLAYS DEAD!



Download it today! Tell your friends! Tell your friends' friends! Tell the people who aren't really such good friends of yours after all but you wouldn't turn down having a beer with them, if they were buying! Tell everyone!

And may you and yours have a Happy Christmas!
~brb

P.S. If you don't have a Kindle, you can always download the free Kindle Reading App for PC, Mac, iPhone, iPad, Blackberry, Android, etc., etc., etc...

Open Mic Saturday

Good morning all, and welcome to Open Mic Saturday. This is the place to share your news and perhaps do a little bragging. If you're writing a novel: how much progress did you make this week? If you're writing short stories: did you finish anything or submit anything this week? If you've sold or published anything recently, when is it coming out and where can we find it? In short, as a writer, what kind of progress did you make this week?

Or what else is on your mind, that you feel like sharing with the group here?

The Friday Challenge — 12/23/2011

This week in The Friday Challenge:

The December issue of STUPEFYING STORIES is released! • Buy a copy at Amazon, Apple or Barnes & Noble...

Henry Vogel ponders upon the way “fans” are percieved. • Join the discussion...

Lady Quill wins our A Reindeer to Remember challenge, by being beautiful. • Join the discussion...

All this and more, as the fifteen days of Christmahanukwanzakastivus get underway, and the inmates discuss the view from their respective places in the asylum.


“And now, for the next century and a half...”

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As of this morning, we have received the following entries for our current challenge:

• “Solstice” by Tyler Tork
  
  
• “The Christmas War” by xdpaul
  

An enthusiastic “Huzzah” to all who have entered! The judges are considering your submissions, and a winner will be declared by the evening of Sunday, 25 December 2011 (or as close thereto as can be reasonably managed, given travel and a borrowed computer).


Higglety Pigglety Pop!

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And now it is time for this week's Friday Challenge, inflicted by M:

As a young child, one of my favorite books was Maurice Sendak's Higglety Pigglety Pop! or There Must Be More to Life, layered with multiple meanings, poetic prose, and darkly detailed depictions of the more that there must be. (Suffice it to say, I was an odd child, and I doubt any of you are surprised by that revelation.)

You may be familiar with that book, or you may not; for the purposes of this challenge, it really doesn't matter. The thing to remember is that this week's writing must be a bit higglety pigglety (since we are, after all, in the midst of the most wonderfully hectic time of the year!), and it must “Pop!” Multiple meanings, poetic prose, and darkly detailed depictions are entirely optional... but including them certainly won't hurt your chances of being declared our weekly winner.

I'll only allow 120 words. Pop!

You may post your entries as comments below, post on your personal blog and give a link below, or add to The Friday Challenge Yahoo Group in our current directory.



Anyone can enter, with no restrictions, and you may enter as many times as you wish.

As of now, we are playing by the loosely enforced and slightly modified rules of The Friday Challenge. All entries are due by 6 AM Eastern time on the morning of Friday, 30 December 2011. A winner will be declared by the evening of Sunday, 1 January (yes, on New Year's Day!) 2012.

Oh, there is one more thing... but it is the most important! Have fun. Always have fun.

Deadline Reminder

NOTE: Friday morning's post will be closer to noon, due to holiday travel and a borrowed computer! (Anyone contemplating an entry has roughly six additional hours in which to compose 200 words.)

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The deadline for the current Friday Challenge — “And now, for the next century and a half...” — is 12 PM Eastern time on the morning of Friday, 23 December 2011... less than twenty-four hours away.

Entries may be added to The Friday Challenge Yahoo Group (see the appropriate directory within the "Files" section), hosted on your personal blog(s) and linked within the comments for the challenge, or copied directly into the comments section as a post.

In previous challenges, we have accommodated late entries. This time, we have no such luxury; if you post an entry much later than 12 PM Eastern time, there is a chance the judges will not be able to properly consider your work. Should you anticipate a need to snowdog, please mentally back the deadline up as much as necessary. If the deadline hits and you are very, very close, please publicly announce your intention to enter.

A winner will be declared by the evening of Sunday, 25 December 2011.

Ultimate Geek Fu

Many, many years ago, back in the mid 1980s, I went to a local comedy show with my wife and a group of her friends. The show featured three comedians, none of whom any of us had ever heard of. The most unknown guy came on and was pretty funny. It helped that he had less time on stage than anyone else, allowing him to stick with his best material.

The middling unknown guy had a completely different style from the first guy and was struggling to make a connection with the audience. He was trying really hard but wasn't getting much feedback from the audience. At some point, he called out something to the audience, looking for some response. When none came, I took pity on him.

"Yeah!" I called out.

Of course, that brought me to his attention. Finally having some with whom he could interact, the comedian singled me out with the standard question comedians ask members of the audience.

"You sir," he called. "What do you do for a living?"

I paused, thinking the guy really needed a "typical" response such as salesman or lawyer or something he could use as a jumping off point to make fun of me.

I said, "I write comic books."

There was a long pause as the guy just stared at me. So did most of the audience. Then the guy threw up his arms and said, "Great, I pick the one guy in the audience with a better job than me!"

That got him the laughs he hadn't been getting. For the rest of the show, when things got slow, he came back to me, using every cliché associated with comic book and science fiction fandom, trying to draw laughs from my unexpected response to his question. I didn't mind because the look I got when I told him I wrote comic books was worth the price of admission and his attempts to make fun of me. If it hadn't been for that stunned look, I probably wouldn't have taken it quite so well.

The story isn't a perfect intro to today's geek fu topic, but it's good enough. The topic is the way science fiction and comic book fans are portrayed in the media. As an example, finding an article about comic books in a mainstream media publication was a mixed blessing. Comic book fans liked seeing outside interest in comic books but hated the way headline writers always wrote something like "Biff! Pow! Local Duo Publishes Comic Book!" Science fiction fans always hated that the photos and the quotes from a convention were always from the guy who spent the entire convention dressed as a Klingon or wearing Spock ears, ignoring the fans who would give thoughtful quotes and whose photo would not frighten the mothers of young fans.

We here at Geek Fu Central are interested in positive, or at least gently appreciative, portrayals of fandom. To keep this from wandering all over the place, we're going to limit ourselves to movies. Offhand, Bruce and I could only think of two movies in which science fiction fans were portrayed appreciatively.

I added a model of the spaceship from one of those movies to my desk at work just last week; the N.S.E.A. Protector. For those who don't recall, that's the ship from the best, most-loving science fiction spoof ever made -- Galaxy Quest. The fans were obviously modeled after Star Trek fans, but the movie treated them kindly. The people who ridiculed the fans were shown as obnoxious. The fans, while sometimes overly zealous, were shown in a positive light. Watching the movie, the fans reminded me of actual fans I'd met while appearing as a guest at conventions. They were excited to be at the convention, excited to be meeting people associated with something they loved, and generally likable.

The other movie, one which Bruce has just recently seen, is Paul, which I reviewed back in March. The movie opens at the San Diego Comic Con, where the fans are shown in a positive light. This is probably because the movie was written by and stars two certified geeks; Nick Frost and Simon Pegg. These two guys met when one of them overheard the other one doing a stand-up comedy routine all about Star Wars. Their geek cred is solid and, while they don't mind making fun of geeks, you know they're poking fun at themselves and us. In other words, it's actually funny.

Can you think of some other movies which treat our kind as gently as these two movies? And, what the heck, let's toss it open to TV, too.

Let the arguments begin!

And the winner is (Special Holiday/Youth Edition!)...

“You know Dasher, and Dancer, and Prancer, and Vixen; Comet, and Cupid, and Donner, and Blitzen... but do you recall, that Reindeer that no one ever talks about?”

If any of you are able to take a second look at your own work, and see ways in which to improve a concept so that it can be more successfully developed, the effort will be worthwhile.

Those of you who vote are allowed to assign a range of “0” to “3” points, per entry. Since challengers may not vote for their own stories, a bonus of 2 points is given to a participant's highest-ranked work, if that participant also takes the time to numerically vote on the other entries.

Official judges receive a 30 point allocation, to assign as they see fit. The only restriction is that at most, only half of those points may be given to any single entry (unless there is only one entry, in which case the silly restriction is lifted!), and there is no requirement for a judge to use the entire 30 point allocation.

M is about to put on the “Editor Hat.” It's sort of like the “Sorting Hat” they use at Hogwarts (“Oh, Rudolph... you aren't really Gryffindor material! Now get off the Quidditch field.”), but a little less sarcastic.


A Reindeer to Remember

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“Bucktooth the Redneck Reindeer” by Triton

M: It is to your credit that I could imagine Jeff Foxworthy delivering this piece. Aaaannnd, that's about all I'll say about this one.

M_Nicole_Cunningham: 0 / Ryan Jones: 1.5 / Tyler Tork: 1.5 / xdpaul: 1
M: 3
Total: 7

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“Gander” by M_Nicole_Cunningham

M: Beautiful, captivating, and even a bit lyrical. Unfortunately, I don't quite understand the last two lines. (Were you going for ambiguous clarity, or clear ambiguity?)

M_Nicole_Cunningham: voted! / Ryan Jones: 3 / Tyler Tork: 2.5 / xdpaul: 2
M: 6
Participation bonus: 2
Total: 15.5

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“Hreinn Larsen, Santa's Stable Keeper” by Ryan Jones

M: You could probably get a profitable children's story out of this one. I like it.

M_Nicole_Cunningham: 1 / Ryan Jones: voted! / Tyler Tork: 2 / xdpaul: 2
M: 4
Participation bonus: 2
Total: 11

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“Vanish, The White-hued Reindeer” by xdpaul

M: Pure description isn't necessarily a bad thing, but you weren't playing to your strengths, here. Sadly, I have to disqualify you for burying us in an avalanche of words. (If they had been really, really short words and equalled the approximate number of letters in some of the other entries, I could have been swayed.)

M_Nicole_Cunningham: 0 / Ryan Jones: 2.5 / Tyler Tork: 0 / xdpaul: voted!
M: 0
Participation bonus: 2
Total: 4.5

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“Cavil, the Dissident Reindeer” by Tyler Tork

M: With tongue planted firmly in cheek, you've succinctly eviscerated the jolly old elf of any redeeming qualities. One suspects that sweat shops and patent violations are only the tip of the icicle...

M_Nicole_Cunningham: 2 / Ryan Jones: 2 / Tyler Tork: voted! / xdpaul: 1
M: 5
Participation bonus: 2
Total: 12

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“The Mother of All Reindeer” by Lady Quill

M: As with Ryan's work, you could easily spin this one into a fondly-remembered children's tale. Or, you could spin it into a rant about how aliens should be more careful when expelling their spent antigrav rods, and a celebration of Tonna's fortuitous discovery of Babel fish in the frozen tundra...

Arisia: + / M_Nicole_Cunningham: 2 / Ryan Jones: 3 / Tyler Tork: 1.5 / xdpaul: 3
M: 6
Total: 15.5+

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“Reynaldo, the Norm Peterson of Reindeer” by Allan Davis

M: If you reworked this gag as a single-panel illustration, you could probably sell it to a greeting card company and sell a bazillion copies each December. Then George Wendt would hunt you down and kill you.

M_Nicole_Cunningham: 3 / Ryan Jones: 2 / Tyler Tork: 2.5 / xdpaul: 2
M: 6
Total: 15.5

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And in the Junior Division:

“The 4 Leg Reindeer” by the six year old

M: I have the strong impression that your reindeer is equally likely to take up the manufacture of poisoned apples, or spinning wool from homeless cats. The word that comes to mind is mglw'nafh, but since I'm guessing your parents haven't explained that one to you yet, I'll go with "evocative."

M_Nicole_Cunningham: “very interesting structure” / Ryan Jones: “full of implications” / Tyler Tork: “most existential” / xdpaul: “awesome”
M: “evocative”

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“Artemis Boomer” by the nine year old

M: Even at a young age, you've already learned the power of a surprise ending. I did not see this one coming. Of course, neither did the reindeer.

M_Nicole_Cunningham: “a definite future in writing” / Ryan Jones: “could be the hook” / Tyler Tork: “interesting protagonist” / xdpaul: “Pushcart Prize”
M: “surprise ending”

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“School Bus Reindeer” by the ten year old

M: Has your father already introduced you to a little series called Axe Cop, by chance? When/if he does, here's another word you might want to keep in mind: "collaboration." Just make sure you don't forget that other magic word ("royalties"), when you spring it on him.

M_Nicole_Cunningham: “very original” / Ryan Jones: “mastered the use of understatement” / Tyler Tork: “Deep.” / xdpaul: “complex”
M: “collaboration/royalties”

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Wrap-up...

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And the numbers don't lie. We have... a three-way tie?

1st Place: 15.5 points — “Gander” by M_Nicole_Cunningham
1st Place: 15.5+ points — “The Mother of All Reindeer” by Lady Quill
1st Place: 15.5 points — “Reynaldo, the Norm Peterson of Reindeer” by Allan Davis

Oh, wait! Arisia cast a characteristic tie-breaking, non-numeric endorsement, with that little “+" beside “The Mother of All Reindeer.” Congratulations, Lady Quill!


Afterword...

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As a reminder, over the next few weeks we are trying something a little different, as we engage in a few smaller, lighter challenges, while the holidays swirl us about, higgledy-piggledy and piggledy-pop. (Yes, that still might just be a subtle hint about the next challenge, since it turned out to not be a hint about the one we just proposed...)

So rest your creative faculties, but if a challenge intrigues you during this holiday interval, then by all means join the fun! Our current challenge is: “And now, for the next century and a half...”

And the winner is...

... going to be announced tomorrow. I'd originally planned to schedule the results to post later this evening, since I'll very shortly be schmoozing with the stars at a Christmas party. But since a few folks voted this week, rather than prematurely ending the fun, I'm giving everyone else a little longer to add their own comments and scores (and earn participation bonuses, for those so inclined).

To hold you over, here is a peek what we've been working on. That's right... the December issue is finally about to be released!

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Open Mic Saturday

Good morning all, and welcome to Open Mic Saturday. This is the place to share your news and perhaps do a little bragging. If you're writing a novel: how much progress did you make this week? If you're writing short stories: did you finish anything or submit anything this week? If you've sold or published anything recently, when is it coming out and where can we find it? In short, as a writer, what kind of progress did you make this week?

Or what else is on your mind, that you feel like sharing with the group here?

The Friday Challenge — 12/16/2011

This week in The Friday Challenge:

Bruce Bethke paraphrases Samuel Clemens, in the latest addition to our “Slushpile Survival Guide.” • Join the discussion...

Henry Vogel shares the story of his geekiest Christmas gift ever (and this one wasn't it, just in case anyone was wondering). • Join the discussion...

Kersley Fitzgerald becomes a quivering mass of mucous, but still finds the time to share a valuable PSA. • Join the discussion...

Guy Stewart wins our Parklife challenge, by bringing a truly invasive species into the greenhouse. • Join the discussion...

All this and more, as the proximity of National Ding-a-Ling Day and National Chocolate Covered Anything Day suggests permutations too bizarre to discuss in a family-friendly forum, and the inmates discuss the view from their respective places in the asylum.


A Reindeer to Remember

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As of this morning, we have received the following entries for our current challenge:

• “Bucktooth the Redneck Reindeer” by Triton
  
  
• “Gander” by M_Nicole_Cunningham
  
  
• “Hreinn Larsen, Santa's Stable Keeper” by Ryan Jones
  
  
• “Vanish, The White-hued Reindeer” by xdpaul
  
  
• “Cavil, the Dissident Reindeer” by Tyler Tork
  
  
• “The 4 Leg Reindeer” by the six year old
  
  
• “Artemis Boomer” by the nine year old
  
  
• “School Bus Reindeer” by the ten year old
  
  
• “The Mother of All Reindeer” by Lady Quill
  
  
• “Reynaldo, the Norm Peterson of Reindeer” by Allan Davis
  

An enthusiastic “Huzzah” to all who have entered! The judges are considering your submissions, and a winner will be declared by the evening of Sunday, 18 December 2011.


“And now, for the next century and a half...”

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And now it is time for this week's Friday Challenge, inflicted by M:

Last night I stayed up until 3 AM, to meet a submission deadline. This morning I attended my daughter's Christmas program... and after lunch, we attended another program, put on by one of the schools we are contemplating once she starts kindergarten.

Now, in getting out the door this morning, I only managed a single cup of coffee. Normally I'm a three-cups-to-start-the-day man. If I don't get it, I won't get a lot of other things, either. I mention this, because it is undoubtedly the source of this week's challenge.

The second program we attended was A Christmas Carol, acted out by a half dozen elementary students from a local Montessori school. Production values were a few notches below those of William Hartnell-era Doctor Who, but the kids were expressing an admirable degree of creativity and enthusiasm, and pulled off a respectable degree of memorization, given their ages.

As my attention — compounded by the aforementioned deficiency of caffeine — drifted, I realized that although I've grown to resent this annual infliction of Dickens' lesser work (and all the myriad retellings that infest popular culture under the guise of public domain interpretation), it is a notable example of our genre subtly infusing the public consciousness, to the degree that it is difficult to imagine any displacement.

You see, despite the hokum that Robert Zemeckis tried to foist on the public with his mo-cap travesty a few years ago, A Christmas Carol really is science fiction. Sure, it's fantasy, too... and a bit of horror, for good measure. The narrative is filled with time travel, voyeuristic spirits, and dire warnings from beyond the grave, and if it wasn't for the fact that I encounter handfuls of pallid, uncreative variations on the same theme every winter, I'd probably think it was the most brilliant thing ol' Chuck D. ever wrote.

What bothered me was that, in over a century and a half of imitation, no one has managed to do better.

Now, you all know the basic plot well enough to verbally sketch it in under 200 words, and brevity of concept is part of what makes A Christmas Carol such an appealing tradition, for young and old alike! So 200 words is what I'll give you, to sketch out the essence of your own SF/F/H-holiday tale. You must have elements of all three genres, and at least one lovable character... and you may not borrow from anything recognizably Dickensian.

You may post your entries as comments below, post on your personal blog and give a link below, or add to The Friday Challenge Yahoo Group in our current directory.



Anyone can enter, with no restrictions, and you may enter as many times as you wish.

As of now, we are playing by the loosely enforced and slightly modified rules of The Friday Challenge. All entries are due by 6 AM Eastern time on the morning of Friday, 23 December 2011. A winner will be declared by the evening of Sunday, 25 December (yes, on Christmas Day!) 2011.

Oh, there is one more thing... but it is the most important! Have fun. Always have fun.

Deadline Reminder

The deadline for the current Friday Challenge — A Reindeer to Remember — is 6 AM Eastern time on the morning of Friday, 16 December 2011... less than twenty-four hours away.

Entries may be added to The Friday Challenge Yahoo Group (see the appropriate directory within the "Files" section), hosted on your personal blog(s) and linked within the comments for the challenge, or copied directly into the comments section as a post.

In previous challenges, we have accommodated late entries. This time, we have no such luxury; if you post an entry much later than 6 AM Eastern time, there is a chance the judges will not be able to properly consider your work. Should you anticipate a need to snowdog, please mentally back the deadline up as much as necessary. If the deadline hits and you are very, very close, please publicly announce your intention to enter.

A winner will be declared by the evening of Sunday, 18 December 2011.

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UPDATE: Friday morning's post will be closer to noon four... so you all have a few extra hours in which to pay tribute to that "special" reindeer!

Critical Sneezing

I'm sick. I think I'm slowly dissolving into some kind of gelatinous snot monster. And my in-laws come today. And I have an elementary school concert tonight. "Pity the Gelf!"

All my brain cells have turned to phlegm, so I leave you with this public service announcement. Please, star folk, remember who the enemy is.



Ignore the placement of his head in comparison to the painting's crotch.

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George Takei is one of only ten actors to have appeared in both the Star Trek and Star Wars franchises (he's a voice on the Clone Wars cartoon.) Deep Roy is the only actor to have appeared in Star Trek, Star Wars, and Doctor Who.

Ultimate Geek Fu

I'm sure everyone has noticed that a major holiday is approaching; one associated with the giving of gifts. I'm sure we've all gotten our share of odd and inappropriate gifts over the years. Those range from clothes given to you when you were a little kid and only interested in receiving toys to, um, clothes given to you when you were ostensibly an adult and still only interested in receiving toys. This column is about "geek fu," though, so I have another kind of gift in mind.

What is the geekiest gift you've ever received?

I don't even have to think all that hard to come up with my geekiest gift. It was 1997, back in the halcyon days before the Star Wars prequels had been released. Back in the days when our only complaint was that George Lucas had screwed up the scene between Han and Greedo in the Mos Eisley Cantina. Yes, we all screamed "Han shot first!" but at least Jar Jar Binks was still in the future. The upshot of all of this is that Star Wars merchandise was more plentiful than it had ever been before and a lot of it was aimed at adults.

That brings me around to my geekiest gift ever. On Christmas morning, a beautifully wrapped box was handed to me. Just holding the box, it felt like clothes. There was just something about the weight and the type of box that gave it away. Now, I have reached the point where I don't really mind getting clothes for Christmas (being responsible for buying your own clothes will do that to you), but unless I'm getting a geeky t-shirt, clothing still doesn't make my heart leap with joy. So, with a carefully pasted on look of anticipation, I opened the box. I was right, it was clothing. A jacket, to be exact; something I most definitely did need. But it wasn't just any jacket.

It was an authentic, exact replica of the jacket worn by Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back. I've always liked that jacket, so it was cool beyond belief to me. It was equally fun to wear it to work after the holidays and note who recognized it (three other geeks).

The jacket no longer fits, but I still have it. To this day, it is my geekiest gift ever. Can you top that?

Let the arguments begin!

The Slushpile Survival Guide

For this week's Slushpile Survival Guide, I asked our intrepid slushpile readers to come up with a list of the stories that they've seen enough of already and would be perfectly happy to never see again. Unfortunately it proved impossible to shorten and clean up their responses enough to fit it into a single column, so instead, this week I'd like to talk about Mark Twain's Rules for Writing — which, to judge by the last hundred stories or so I've rejected, are no longer being taught in schools.

Perhaps the title is somewhat misleading. As far as I can tell Twain never actually wrote a serious article on how to write fiction. Rather, his Rules appear in the context of his famous essay, "Fennimore Cooper's Literary Offences", which is composed of equal parts literary criticism and hatchet job. Twain cites his Rules en passant —

"There are nineteen rules governing literary art in the domain of romantic fiction*—some say twenty-two."

and then proceeds to list only 18, some of which appear to be made up on the spot, solely for the purpose of abusing Mr. Cooper's work.

(* It is also worth noting that at the time Twain wrote this essay, all novels were romantic fiction. Even H. G. Wells called his early novels such as The War of the Worlds and The Time Machine "scientific romances." The term romance did not become synonymous with "Harlequin bodice-ripper" until the post-WWII paperback publishing boom.)

Some of Twain's rules are stylistic in nature and simply the rules of good writing, period. E.g.,

These require that the author shall:

12. Say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it.

13. Use the right word, not its second cousin.

14. Eschew surplusage.

15. Not omit necessary details.

16. Avoid slovenliness of form.

17. Use good grammar.

18. Employ a simple and straightforward style.

However, the rules I've seen violated most egregiously and often in the stories I've been reading lately fall into the range of the first eleven, and require some extraction from Twain's wholesale slagging of Cooper. Taking the liberty of editing and elliding Mr. Twain's words, then; the rules of fiction require:

1. That a tale shall accomplish something and arrive somewhere.

2. That the episodes of a tale shall be necessary parts of the tale and shall help to develop it.

3. That the personages in the tale shall be alive, except in the case of corpses, and that the reader shall be able to tell the corpses from the others.

4. That the personages in a tale, both dead and alive, exhibit sufficient cause for being there.

5. (Skipped. Too complex to simplify.)

6. That when the author describes the character of a personage in his tale, the conduct and conversation of that personage shall justify said description.

7. That when a personage talks like an illustrated, gilt-edged, tree-calf, hand-tooled, seven-dollar Friendship's Offering in the beginning of a paragraph, he shall not talk like a negro minstrel in the end of it.

8. That crass stupidities shall not be played upon the reader.

9. (Skipped. Not entirely relevant to SF/F.)

10. That the author shall make the reader feel a deep interest in the personages of his tale and in their fate.

11. (Skipped. Debatable.)

In music, these are what we call rudiments: the most fundamental and basic skills you need to get down cold before you can even start to think about doing anything more complicated. This isn't an all-inclusive guide, but it's a good start.

Hope this helps. Will write more next week.

~brb

And the winner is...

Oh how sweet, to be a vegetable...

If any of you are able to take a second look at your own work, and see ways in which to improve a concept so that it can be more successfully developed, the effort will be worthwhile.

Those of you who vote are allowed to assign a range of “0” to “3” points, per entry. Since challengers may not vote for their own stories, a bonus of 2 points is given to a participant's highest-ranked work, if that participant also takes the time to numerically vote on the other entries.

Official judges receive a 30 point allocation, to assign as they see fit. The only restriction is that at most, only half of those points may be given to any single entry (unless there is only one entry, in which case the silly restriction is lifted!), and there is no requirement for a judge to use the entire 30 point allocation.

Jack Calverley is about to put on the “Editor Hat.” It's sort of like the “Sorting Hat” they use at Hogwarts (“You'll enjoy Professor Rasthmussin's class on carnivorous plants. Oh, he's been eaten? I meant Professor Gornificall's class.”), but a little less sarcastic.


Parklife

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“Chance Encounter” by Guy Stewart

Jack Calverley: First, thank you for submitting your story. I enjoyed reading it and it fits the bill exactly.

On starting, the story immediately imparts a sense of place and purpose. The plant is given character by placing it in opposition to the WheetAh, and by expressing its attitude to the WheetAh.

I like the reversal that someone formally educated in horticulture can only get a job in horticulture as a translator. It seems to me to reflect a truth about the human (or at least socitey's) condition.

Having earlier established the attitude to the WheetAh, that fact is neatly used to involve the reader via the expression: "the WheetAh begged" — the reader immediately understands how the plant will react to this.

I like the idea that the plant can control the chemicals it emits, and uses them to react to the human, revealing how it both deals with antagonism and lures its prey.

“The children!” is a nice touch.

I thought it might have been better to be more specific where the human says “...some skirmish thing...” or where the narrator says “the entire thing” (I suppose the word “thing” worries me). I think that naming the nitric acid specifically might have made the story more accessible to the non-chemist reader.

“It sloshed heavily” is a neat showing rather than telling.

Overall: a concise herbicide of invasive species.

Jack Calverley: 30
Total: 30


Wrap-up...

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Again, an easy batch of numbers to tally:

1st Place: 30 points — “Chance Encounter” by Guy Stewart

Congratulations, Guy Stewart!


Afterword...

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As a reminder, over the next few weeks we'll be trying something a little different. We'll be engaged in a few smaller, lighter challenges, while the holidays swirl us about, higgledy-piggledy and piggledy-pop. (Yes, that might just be a subtle hint about the next challenge...)

So rest your creative faculties, but if a challenge intrigues you during this holiday interval, then by all means join the fun! Our current challenge is: A Reindeer to Remember

Open Mic Saturday

Good morning all, and welcome to Open Mic Saturday. This is the place to share your news and perhaps do a little bragging. If you're writing a novel: how much progress did you make this week? If you're writing short stories: did you finish anything or submit anything this week? If you've sold or published anything recently, when is it coming out and where can we find it? In short, as a writer, what kind of progress did you make this week?

Or what else is on your mind, that you feel like sharing with the group here?