Ruminations of an Old Goat

What if the "American Spirit" found today in Massachusetts had also been found there in 1775?

Associated Press Writers. April 18, 1775.
MASSACHUSETTS COLONY - Eight hundred British soldiers set forth from Boston under the command Lieutenant Colonel Francis Smith. The force had two goals; first to march on Lexington and capture noted rebel firebrands Samuel Adams and John Hancock, second to march on Concord and destroy weapons and ammunition stores gathered by the rebels.

"Despite our best attempts to maintain secrecy, word of the operation got out," said General Thomas Gage, commander of the British troops stationed in Boston. "Fortunately, the majority of the colonists recognized the importance of our work. The route was lined with colonists cheering our brave men in uniform, offering them food, water and probably a bit of whiskey, as well."

Colonists were enthusiastic in their support of the troops.

"Well, they're here to protect us from these right-wing terrorists," a local farmhand told us. "When the troops actually do something right, we want to show our appreciation!"

As this reporter was wrapping up his interview with the farmhand, his employer arrived and angrily demanded the farmhand "stop loafing and get back to work." The employer threatened the hand with loss of his job. When the farmhand claimed to be on his legally mandated morning break, it drew the attention of a British officer, who took the farmer into custody for possible violation of labor laws.

As the British force approached Lexington, a small force of approximately seventy armed men was discovered occupying the village green. Lieutenant Colonel Smith halted his troops while he considered the situation. The men claimed to be part of the Minutemen, a survivalist organization known to have strong right-wing leanings and suspected of being highly dangerous. Before Smith could negotiate with the Minutemen, a shot rang out.

While no one knows who fired the first shot, the British troops showed their mettle. A volley of return fire took down many of the Minutemen and put the rest to their heels. Unfortunately, both Adams and Hancock had fled Lexington. Unable to complete the first part of his mission, Lieutenant Colonel Smith led his men on towards the weapons store in Concord.

Commenting on the brief exchange of fire, second in commend Major Pitcairn said, "This is why it is so important to maintain strict control over firearms. Men such as those Minutemen are far more likely to hurt themselves or those they love than anything else. Why, when one has the British army available, would one even consider a firearm necessary for protection?"

This reporter found the Major's comments compelling, as did other Massachusetts colonists with which this reporter spoke. Alas, the Major's comments were prescient as well as compelling.

Upon arrival at Concord, the British troops found a large body of Minutemen waiting for them. As there is a general consensus among the subjects of the Colony of Massachusetts against private firearm ownership, it is thought the majority of these Minutemen were rabble from other colonies. The most likely source is thought to be the southern colonies where the subjects are known to cling to guns and religion.

Wherever they came from, it was obvious the good villagers of Concord wanted nothing to do with them. Led by the village council, they left the village in an orderly fashion, all the while chanting, "Hey hey, oh oh, Minutemen have got to go!"

Once non-combatants were out of the way, Lieutenant Colonel Smith could deal with the rabble as he saw fit. Fortunately for Smith, loyal subjects had sent word back to Boston concerning the Minutemen uprising. General Gage immediately dispatched reinforcements, who arrived in Concord at this time. With his much greater force, Smith surrounded Concord and called for the Minutemen to lay down their arms and surrender. The Minutemen refused.

At this point, the wise mayor of Concord approached Lieutenant Colonel Smith, saying, "We are true and loyal subjects of the crown. Do what you must to clear our village of these unsavory elements, even should that require you burn Concord to the ground!"

Cheered by such hearty support, Smith's troops opened fire. When the fighting was over, all of the Minutemen lay dead or wounded. The brave Redcoats suffered only minor casualties. The villagers cheered as Smith took possession of the weapons and ammunition stored in Concord, though all were sobered when they realized the size of the cache.

Claims by Adams and Hancock that their fellow colonists would rise up and harass the Redcoats during their return to Boston proved unfounded. The British troops were, instead, met by cheering crowds, praise for the gallantry and profound thanks for capturing the cache of weapons.

"We will all sleep more safely in our beds tonight because of the actions of these brave soldiers," proclaimed the Mayor of Boston as he welcomed the British soldiers back to his city. "Tonight, we are all Tories!"

While I feel Massachusetts has fallen farther than any of the other original colonies, I do not believe enough of the original American Spirit exists in any of those original colonies to rise up against a tyrannical government. Think about that this Fourth of July. Think on it and mourn.