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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Ultimate Geek Fu

A few weeks back, JP Franz over at SF Signal asked me to weigh-in on what at first seemed like a pretty strange question. To wit:
After talking with some of the new hires where I work, I've come to realize that most of them have never seen the original STAR WARS movies. Instead, their knowledge of STAR WARS comes from its pervasiveness in our culture and from the later prequel movies or THE CLONE WARS. Given the success of the STAR TREK and BATTLESTAR GALACTICA reboots, our question is:

Q: Should STAR WARS be rebooted?
Hmm. Should Star Wars be... Y'mean, like Star Trek? Battlestar Galactica? Doctor Who? James Bond? Hawaii Five-Oh? Just start the franchise up all over again, and...?

Well, you'll find my initial answer and a few others over on the SF Signal site at this link, but since I wrote it, I've given it further thought, and I now present it to you as this week's Ultimate Geek Fu. No, not a mere reboot; we're talking—

Star Wars: The Complete Remake!

It's bigger! Longer! Louder! With better CGI, and better actors! Why are we remaking it? Because we can! Because it's almost 35 years old! And because, what the heck, we want your money!

Hence today's challenge. If we're going to remake the original Star Wars, the first question is: who do we cast in those unforgettable classic roles? Ewan McGregor would seem to have a lifetime lock on playing Sir Alec Guinness playing Obi-Wan Kenobi, but after that, who else? Michael Cera as Luke Skywalker? Robert de Niro as Jabba the Hutt? Nathan Fillion as Han Solo? Snoop Dogg as Darth Vader? ("Luke, Obi-Wan never told you....")

And then when you've finished savoring that one, here's the next question: what one scene or element got terribly short shrift in the original movie and would be vastly improved in your remake? Should Leia scream "DIE, FASCIST MOTHERF@@@@R!" before she caps that stormtrooper in the ship's cargo hold at the beginning? Should Han get into a brawl with Greedo and six of his evil henchmen in the cantina? When Luke blasts an Imperial Stormtrooper, should it turn out to be something more like a Terminator or a Cylon? Does ALF get a prominent cameo in the Rebel Command Center during the battle for Endor?

Me, I'm all for casting Sigourney Weaver as Governor Tarkin, so we can turn Leia's big interrogation scene on the Death Star into some hot girl-on-girl BDS&M action, a la Battlestar Galactica...

Your move.

ULTIMAGE GEEK FU runs every Wednesday. Have a question that's just bugging the heck out of you about Star Wars, Star Trek, Stargate, Star This, Star That, Star Whatever, The Starlost, Battlestar Galactica, Farscape, Firefly, Fringe, Heroes, The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Smallville, True Blood, The X-Files, The X-Men, The Man From Atlantis, or pretty much any other SF- or fantasy-flavored media property? Send it to slushpile@thefridaychallenge.com with the subject line, "Geek Fu," and we'll stuff it in the queue.
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