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Thursday, March 15, 2012

Critical Thinking

Or, "I'm sorry I couldn't get my homework done. I was too busy writing this excuse."

John Carter:

I liked it.

More later.

Until then, I leave you with my synopsis of the Philosophy of Ethics:

The philosophy of ethics is a type of psychological warfare used by abstract thinkers who have no grip on reality and a strange inability to balance their checkbooks. They use this surreal worldview to develop Möbius-like, self-contradicting statements about reality and truth. Statements like, "Reality does not exist," and, "There is no such thing as pain," and, "There is a hypothetical, perfect, objective, omniscient observer who could answer that question except that he doesn't exist and if he did, he wouldn't tell us."

The number one victim of this insidious warfare is the innocent, pure mind of the mild-mannered engineer who learned to debate in a thorough, logical manner. When exposed to the philosophy of ethics, the aforementioned engineer will find herself gazing at the far wall , slightly cross-eyed, rocking softly back and forth, humming Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit," while her brain turns into something that slightly resembles three-month old guacamole. Once their victim has reached the stage of catatonia, the philosophers will dance about gleefully, then meet at the local martini bar where they will over-indulge in absinthe and plot the destruction of all rational thought.

Happy belated Pi Day

Last week: dog eats peanuts, dog's face swells up like a St. Bernard, dog bitten on nose by a pug, I dislocate hip (happens regularly), Creature sick. Last three days: second job ramps up, dog explodes in kennel, dog bleeds everywhere, dog has lower GI bacterial imbalance, Maj Tom's paycheck bounces, Maj Tom's paycheck promises to bounce back soon, internet broken, internet fixed but no wireless, Creature sick, Maj Tom sick, me sick, Creature and me rear-ended (no injury, no damage), creature has lower GI bacterial imbalance, friend diagnosed with cancer.

Boss says: "Go ahead and take some time off if you need it. As you can see, I'm really busy playing Angry Birds."
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