Ruminations of an Old Goat

Do you have any idea how hard it is to write a column while sitting in the same room with two boys intent on calling each other's attention to everything they bring up on their computer screens? Particularly difficult to tune out is the Boy, who insists on calling everyone's attention to anything even remotely amusing he brings up on his screen. Case in point:

Boy: Dee! Dee! [That's the foster Boy's nickname.]

Foster Boy: Huh?

Boy: Look!

Five seconds pass without Dee looking.

Boy: Dee! Look!

Foster Boy: Hold your horses.

This goes on for two minutes before Dee finally looks at Brandt's computer screen. Printed next to a photo of Darth Vader are the words, "A guy can only be called 'Annie' so many times before he cracks." This is but an example of how things have gone for the last hour in this room. It dawns on me that this is why I haven't even started writing the modern sword-swinging epic science fiction adventure I want to write.

I realize I could attempt to crack down on this, order them to be quiet or yell at them until they subside to a furious silence. But they aren't going to be in the house forever and I'm told I'll miss the noise when they move out in a few years. I'm confident I will miss it as I've already found myself waxing nostalgic for times when the Boy was three or four. I miss the Boy's quest to own every Hot Wheels car ever produced. I miss the days when all but the worst hurts could be healed with an ice cream cone. I miss being asked to tell or read stories. I miss being welcomed into classrooms by both the teachers and the students.

The Boy is only 13, the Foster Boy only 14, and I'm already feeling like this. Sigh... In twenty years, I can imagine myself continuously bugging them to call or visit; particularly if there are grandchildren.

By the way, the scene above (Boy: Dee! Dee!) has repeated itself at least ten times in the time it has taken me to write this far. I think I'll take a break and come back when it's quieter.

One hour spent watching White Christmas on TV later...

The boys are in bed. Quiet has descended on the computer room. Now I can write in peace. If only I could figure out what to write about.

I'll be honest and admit that I knew this would happen every now and then when writing this weekly column. I try to avoid politics as this isn't a political site. The old Ranting Room was different. Named for a heavily political virtual location in Bruce's award winning novel Headcrash, it only makes sense that the Ranting Room allow for some ranting. But this is the Friday Challenge site, which is all about writing challenges and, apparently, writing the periodic column that doesn't say anything but uses up hundreds of words not saying it.

Now, if I was going to write about politics, I'd have spent the last several weeks writing about Climategate. Those of you who read Vox's site probably already know about Climategate. Those of you who depend on major newspapers, television networks or news sites may not have heard a thing about it. But this isn't a political site, so I'll just tell you to Google "climategate" and start reading. Or go to one of my favorite sites, junkscience.com, and read up on it there.

No politics, huh? Right...

Where was I? Oh yes, trying to figure out how to use up another couple of hundred words before putting this baby to bed. I'm guessing columns like this one aren't going to help me build a large audience.

Ah! I've thought of a topic to use to finish off this week's column!

Anyone who's watched much TV at all this weekend has probably seen ads and trailers for the upcoming movie Avatar. Produced by James Cameron of Terminator fame, Avatar is said to be the single most expensive movie ever produced. The reports I read hinted at an overall cost of $500 million. Put another way, there is no way the movie will earn back its production costs in the theater. But the same report said only 40% of a movie's eventual earnings come from the theater release these days. The majority of the earnings come from DVD sales and, for a select few movies, merchandising.

Avatar is one of those movies that will bring in merchandising bucks. The action figures (aka "dolls for boys") have been available at stores for several weeks now and they look pretty good. But I can't imagine spending money on toys for a movie I haven't seen unless it's based on an existing property, such as Firefly or Star Trek. It would also help if what little I know about the movie's plot wasn't cringe-inducing.

Bearing in mind that I haven't seen the movie, it has all the appearances of the latest in a line of movies where the humans are the greedy bad guys, the noble primitives live in total harmony with their planet's environment and corporations and the military make humans behave worse than normal. The actual images from the movie truly do look fantastic and part of me really does want to go see the movie in a theater so I can appreciate the all those wonderful visuals on the big screen.

But, unless the boys desperately want to see the movie, I'll wait until I talk to some people who have actually seen the movie. If I find out my fears aren't as thoroughly grounds as I think, perhaps I'll drop some bucks on the movie.

I'm hoping that turns out to be the case, not only because I love going to movies. I haven't added any new toys to my desk at work in months!

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Henry is a software tester and storyteller who lives in Raleigh, NC. He's held all the normal jobs people hold prior to settling into a career, including grocery store bag boy, general laborer, pizza deliverer, dishwasher, newspaper deliverer, retail sales and comic book writer. Please note that flying cars were not mentioned once in this column.