Recommended Missing

At last, a film that answers the question: if you gave $20 million to a bunch of Mad TV alumni, could they make a big-screen movie even worse than the worst film ever excreted either individually or collectively by any Saturday Night Live alumni?*

[* Currently believed to be It's Pat!, but this determination is open to debate.]



The answer, as you might expect, is a resounding, YES!

We rented this one only because we had a rent-one-get-one-free coupon and were looking for a few stupid, tasteless, mindless laughs. It delivered on the first two. I honestly cannot remember the last time I sat through a movie as consistently, wretchedly, tediously, miserably, oh-dear-God-please-make-it-stop unfunny as this one, but that's probably some sort of protective psychological reaction, much like the way women can't really remember what childbirth feels like or men can't clearly remember their colonoscopies. The sole bright spot in this movie was the first two minutes or so that Nicole Parker was on-screen in her role as a sort of demented Disney Princess, but she made us pay for this mild pleasure by delivering Amy Winehouse and Jessica Simpson impressions that were both hideous and witless.

Subtracting out those two minutes, that leaves 86 more minutes of unrelieved crap that seemed much, much longer. At an overall budget of $20 million, that comes out to be roughly $233,000 per minute, which suggests to me that Milorganite is terribly underpriced.

RATING: Zero Stars, only because I don't have negative stars.