Some things overheard at our house:
Me: I need to tell you something.
Him: ?
Me: I didn't mean to do it.
Him: !
Me: It was an accident.
Him: ...
Me: ...
Him: ?!
Me: I got peanut butter in my ear.
Him: :)
Setting: the car
Me: So what sport do you think you want to play next?
Creature: I don't know.
Me: There's lacrosse--you know, with the sticks with the baskets on the end and you catch the ball and throw it.
Creature: That sounds dangerous if you got hit in the head with a ball.
Me: Well, you'd wear a helmet with a mask...
[Long conversation]
Creature: I know! I want to play that game with the balls and you hit it with the ranch and it goes into a hole!
Me: [Branch? Quidditch? Quidditch doesn't use sticks...]
Creature: You know, I'll show you.
[Long conversation]
Creature: No, we need to turn there, so I can show you.
Me: Where is it?
Creature: At the haircut place.
Me: [Sportsclips? He must have seen a lacrosse game at Sportsclips.] Just because it was there before doesn't mean it's still showing. We'll look it up at home.
[Find a lacrosse clip on Youtube.]
Creature: No, that's not it. It's the one with the balls that looks like ranch and they're in a triangle.
Me: Bocce? [Find bocce clip.]
Creature: No, they're in a triangle, and it looks like ranch.
Me: Ranch dressing?
[Search through Wikipedia article on sports. Go through videos of several variations on cricket.]
Creature: No, they're in a triangle, and you hit it with a stick--
Me: Oh! Pool!
Creature: Yeah! Pool! I wanna play pool! I love pool!
[Find clip of Minnesota Fats.]
Creature: See? The ball is white and spotted...
Me: Just like ranch dressing.
Setting: The couch; watching Ever After; Henri has just come to rescue Danielle at LePieu's.
Danielle: Why are you here?
Creature: For you. Uh! He just--just say I came for you!
Setting: Standing near the open kitchen window.
Him: Hear that?
Me: ?
[Ticking of toaster oven and sizzling of garlic bread.]
Him: Hear that?
Me: What?
[CREeeEK-CREeeEK of neighbor's swing.]
Him: It's the Tardis!
Him: Can I put the safe away?
Me: Yes.
Him: Why was it out?
Me: Sara [my sister] needed the Creature's social security number.
Him: Why?
Me: So she can open a bank account in his name and take out a bunch of credit cards.
Creature: What?
Me: So she can make you her beneficiary.
Creature: What's that?
Me: It means you get all her stuff when she dies.
Creature: [big intake of breath] Even her Nerf gun?
Me: lol! Yes, even her Nerf gun.
Creature: 'Cus I loooove her Nerf gun.
Me: You want Auntie Sara to die just so you can get her Nerf gun?
Creature: No...I just want her Nerf gun and if she dies, I get it.
[Minutes pass]
Creature: So...how long will Auntie Sara live?
No, my darling 8-yo child, "Holy Jesus" is not the appropriate interjection when picking one's heavy baseball bag off the floor. No baseball for you. Homework all night.
Yes, you're right. "Holy moly," is always an acceptable thing to say.
Setting: The Creature and I are bike riding. We're on a dirt/sandy path and he's fallen down for the umpteenth time. He's on his knees, his hands raised and curled into claws.
Me: Come on, Buddy. Get up!
Creature: Urghhh!
Me: No whining...
Creature: I'm praising the Lord!
Me: I need to tell you something.
Him: ?
Me: I didn't mean to do it.
Him: !
Me: It was an accident.
Him: ...
Me: ...
Him: ?!
Me: I got peanut butter in my ear.
Him: :)
~~~
Setting: the car
Me: So what sport do you think you want to play next?
Creature: I don't know.
Me: There's lacrosse--you know, with the sticks with the baskets on the end and you catch the ball and throw it.
Creature: That sounds dangerous if you got hit in the head with a ball.
Me: Well, you'd wear a helmet with a mask...
[Long conversation]
Creature: I know! I want to play that game with the balls and you hit it with the ranch and it goes into a hole!
Me: [Branch? Quidditch? Quidditch doesn't use sticks...]
Creature: You know, I'll show you.
[Long conversation]
Creature: No, we need to turn there, so I can show you.
Me: Where is it?
Creature: At the haircut place.
Me: [Sportsclips? He must have seen a lacrosse game at Sportsclips.] Just because it was there before doesn't mean it's still showing. We'll look it up at home.
[Find a lacrosse clip on Youtube.]
Creature: No, that's not it. It's the one with the balls that looks like ranch and they're in a triangle.
Me: Bocce? [Find bocce clip.]
Creature: No, they're in a triangle, and it looks like ranch.
Me: Ranch dressing?
[Search through Wikipedia article on sports. Go through videos of several variations on cricket.]
Creature: No, they're in a triangle, and you hit it with a stick--
Me: Oh! Pool!
Creature: Yeah! Pool! I wanna play pool! I love pool!
[Find clip of Minnesota Fats.]
Creature: See? The ball is white and spotted...
Me: Just like ranch dressing.
~~~
Setting: The couch; watching Ever After; Henri has just come to rescue Danielle at LePieu's.
Danielle: Why are you here?
Creature: For you. Uh! He just--just say I came for you!
~~~
Setting: Standing near the open kitchen window.
Him: Hear that?
Me: ?
[Ticking of toaster oven and sizzling of garlic bread.]
Him: Hear that?
Me: What?
[CREeeEK-CREeeEK of neighbor's swing.]
Him: It's the Tardis!
~~~
Him: Can I put the safe away?
Me: Yes.
Him: Why was it out?
Me: Sara [my sister] needed the Creature's social security number.
Him: Why?
Me: So she can open a bank account in his name and take out a bunch of credit cards.
Creature: What?
Me: So she can make you her beneficiary.
Creature: What's that?
Me: It means you get all her stuff when she dies.
Creature: [big intake of breath] Even her Nerf gun?
Me: lol! Yes, even her Nerf gun.
Creature: 'Cus I loooove her Nerf gun.
Me: You want Auntie Sara to die just so you can get her Nerf gun?
Creature: No...I just want her Nerf gun and if she dies, I get it.
[Minutes pass]
Creature: So...how long will Auntie Sara live?
~~~
No, my darling 8-yo child, "Holy Jesus" is not the appropriate interjection when picking one's heavy baseball bag off the floor. No baseball for you. Homework all night.
Yes, you're right. "Holy moly," is always an acceptable thing to say.
~~~
Setting: The Creature and I are bike riding. We're on a dirt/sandy path and he's fallen down for the umpteenth time. He's on his knees, his hands raised and curled into claws.
Me: Come on, Buddy. Get up!
Creature: Urghhh!
Me: No whining...
Creature: I'm praising the Lord!
Story-a-Day is an attempt to bring a small bit of humor and amusement to Mrs. ~brb and Audrey as they fight very serious illnesses. If you have a short, amusing story, please send it to kersley.fitz at yahoo dot com. If you'd prefer, you can drop it in the drop.io (password: challenge) and email me to let me know it's there.
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