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Thursday, October 28, 2010


Kersley Fitzgerald

More Overheard

"Pekepins. Pure bred!"

- Ad in local paper

"If Cupid is so pro-romance, why doesn't he babysit?"

- Evangeline Denmark

You know, the skater--Paulo Picasso.

- The Creature

Me: Here's your honey tea. [honey in hot water--great for coughs]
Creature: Can you put it on the table for me?
Me: My goodness, you're high maintenance!
Creature: Of course I am, Sweets!

Setting: welcome home dinner for Rent-A-Kid's mom who came home from a year in Iraq today. Toby-Cat is the hosts' cat. Rent-A-Kid is explaining to the host, in some detail, the process whereby a fish gets caught on a hook. Next to them is the front door with a window next to it.

Rent-A-Kid: ...and then the fish jerks and the hook sets in its lip and then your float indicator--look! A white cat's outside.
Host: Yeah, that's Toby-Cat's antagonist.
Rent-A-Kid: Oh. Does that mean girlfriend?

The Creature, playing with a plethora of action figures:

Watch out, Santa! The snow robots are attacking!

I know. That's why I have my bazooka!

"Life is unreasonable!"

- The Creature

Scene: The Creature and a friend run inside and upstairs.

[Friend]: We went through the portal, so we're still in your universe.
Tom: Oh you are, huh?
Creature: We're playing a game.
Me: What, Stargate?
Creature: No. Bomb-away portal...
Me: Oh. OK.
Creature: Sea-monsters...
Me: OK.
Creature: Spiders.

Scene: driving to AWANA; the creature is in the back seat, practicing Psalm 23.

Creature: "He repairs a table in the presence of my enemies."
Me: "Presents for enemies?" Why would God give presents to your enemies?
Creature: Not "presents;" presints.
Me: Yeah, presents.
Creature: No, presints. You know. Like George Washington Carber.

Rent-a-kid's dad: I need to apologize for my daughter.
Tom: Oh? What did she do?
RakD: She told the Creature that Santa Claus doesn't exist.
Me: [Wave hand in dismissal.] Oh, whatever.
Tom: How did he take it?
RakD: He didn't believe her. Then he told her if she doesn't believe in Santa, she won't go to heaven.

[Wherein "PG" is our pastor who called on the phone. He thinks (rightly so) that the Creature is incredibly athletic and wants to convert him to his favorite sport that doesn't involve the Cubs: wrestling. Although the Creature wouldn't be able to wrestle for another forty pounds. PG also thinks that if the Creature were just a few years older, PG's daughter (who's the Creature's babysitter) would be in serious trouble.]

PG: I was wondering if the Creature would like to go to a wrestling meet with me. I'm not officiating, just watching for a while.
Me: Hey, boy, do you want to go with PG to watch wrestling?
Creature: No. Not right now.
Me: Do you know what wrestling is?
Creature: Blank look
Me: It's fighting. Do you want to go and watch boys fight?
Creature: [Sly grin] No. I just want to watch girls fight!
PG: Oh, you are in trouble!

Story-a-Day is an attempt to bring a small bit of humor and amusement to Mrs. ~brb and Audrey as they fight very serious illnesses. If you have a short, amusing story, please send it to kersley.fitz at yahoo dot com. If you'd prefer, you can drop it in the drop.io (password: challenge) and email me to let me know it's there.
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